It's been a long day

So, once again and I'm sure not for the last time, my heart is heavy.

I heard from T's caseworker yesterday that her case is now, more or less, going toward reunification rather than termination. Of course my heart is burdened by this. I can only imagine her life will not be easy. Her family will struggle financially, and in other ways I am sure. I know the odds of her having a child before graduating high school is almost 100%, especially knowing the way she craves attention and shows favor to anyone who gives her 2 minutes of their time. It's hard to deal with and digest.

Also, how do I live with and love a child who I know is not staying? Last night I was rocking/mourning to some David Crowder Band (great worship music, btw) and she wanted to dance in the kitchen with me. So, I held this lovely little hand and we danced. And I cried. I was making Mac and Cheese and she wanted to help--that's what moms and daughters do together. I let her help me and I cried some more. It almost got ugly. How do you separate yourself, having no idea when the end will be? It's slightly comforting knowing there will be an end and this hiccuping of circumstances won't last forever...but what do you do in the interim?

I thank God that He has given us answers, I just ask that His timing continue to be perfect. It is my desire that this process will be swift and our pleads with the court that this not be drawn out be heard. What else is there to ask for at this point?

I have pointed my mind in the direction of what it will look like to send all of this pink out of my house. How empty the guest bedroom will look, how empty the closet. Here's the thing I hope people don't misunderstand. She was never ours. We never mistook her for being ours. We only ever wanted His will. He has not failed us and He will continue to do great things in this family and for T. It will just be difficult for a time not being able to be a first hand witness to her great things.